I may have been suffering some existential London angst of late. It has taken a little readjustment to get back to the life here after pretty much two years in India and South East Asia but perhaps not as much as I expected. Visiting the South Bank Centre’s Christmas Markets in the bright December afternoon and being enthralled by the quality of the craft and food on offer I soon realised that there are advantages to being in a bonafide first world country. (I have a post in the pipeline to cover some of the fun I’ve been having…)
Having said that, starting work full-time again a couple of weeks ago, with the hour-long commute each way and the sudden lack of any freedom of time that being in an office environment entails, leads to certain existential crises.
I’ve actually been enjoying work but it has been leaving me tired and unable to find the space and time needed for creative endeavours (watching this John Cleese video made me realise that I need my own space for this sometimes.) This is just a readjustment period and I’m finding solace in A New Earth and other inspiring writing as well as an amazing film Samsara that we watched recently.
The film about a Buddhist monk in the North of India (the awe inspiring region where my banner image comes from) struggling with his spiritual path and falling into everyday life before renouncing his wife and going back to the monastery.
One of my challenges has been to keep the spiritual understandings forefront in my mind whilst dealing with what life has to throw at me. I naturally flow into situations but I have to remember to stay present with them and not allow too much “thought” to creep in.
I just celebrated my 35th birthday as well which of course puts things into perspective. Questions of what I want to do with my life come up and they are as difficult to answer as ever. I feel like I have touched on great happiness over the last year but I have to be careful not to grasp on to it. I need to allow the feeling of universiality to rise up in me on a regular basis and offer my love and compassion as openly as I can.
I must remember to approach everything with the same lightness and wonderment and to stop identifying with an imaginary self important “I” figure. What “I” do isn’t all that important. The universe unfolds as it should and I can just watch it with detachment. I have felt the pure love and awareness at the centre of everything. I have opened up to love and surrendered to the power of the universe. I have observed as feelings of bliss rise up and fill my perception and I know, deep down, that this is all within me and not that far away either.
Whether I’m in an office or a hammock the energy is still there and I can still tap into the source whenever I want.
While undoubtedly the work I have done in the last couple of years has led me here, I want to dedicate this post to Sophie who has been an inspiration in the last 6 months. We helped each other open into love and I feel that my spiritual practice has been enhanced by our relationship, making it tangible and real.
Our coming together both came from, and can constantly lead us back to the universal connection that is love. It has been tough at times, trying to re-integrate together and give each other the encouragement and support we need in difficult circumstances but we are working at it and, like anything worthwhile, love does require nurture. We have both had existential London angst trying to settle back in, find our place and maintain an equilibrium but we’re getting there.
Her dynamic Shakti energy challenges and inspires while I try to maintain a consciousness of awareness and be a strong base. I’m looking forward to taking things further, to moving into our own space and supporting each other to grow and be happy.
She is beautiful, vivacious, disarmingly intelligent and amusingly ditsy. She creates a maelstrom of activity around her as she tells stories and champions projects. She takes on too much until her head is spinning and I have to calm her down. She is loved because of her effusive way with people, which seems effortless, although I know it isn’t. She has opened to vulnerability and had the most supportive response from her amazing friends. She drives me crazy with her indecision. She drives me crazy with her long legs and cute dimples. I love her because of her fire and enthusiasm. I love her because of her intensity and imagination. I love her because she encourages me to be more and better. I love her because she is, unmistakably, Sophie Wilson.
Blogging has been put on the back burner since starting the new job and that is a shame, but I do have a number of pieces “in the pipeline” and posting this is the first step in getting back on the horse.
I have written a few pieces for Le Cool London again recently though and you can check them out here: